In Al-Anon I have the freedom to be myself

I came to Al-Anon 14 years ago, when my partner found sobriety. We met in high school, but our relationship did not start until college. Alcohol was present from the beginning of our 30-year relationship.

My partner was a musician. He worked in an environment where drugs and alcohol were prevalent. I also participated, but didn’t have the disease of alcoholism.

I did not grow up in an alcoholic home. My parents were over protective; I learned to be a caretaker. Naturally, I found someone who needed mothering. I did it well.

My partner had been trying to convince me to move away from our home state. He was drinking quite a bit and had lost his job. I resisted moving because of strong family ties.

One day I stopped at my parent’s house after work. My mother began the “when are you going to settle down and have a wife and kids” plea. I realized that I was not going to be able to live my life in peace. I went home and agreed to move away. We chose the Pacific Northwest. Of course, it didn’t stop the drinking. I found a good job quickly, but my partner didn’t.

Once he was hospitalized after having an alcohol-related seizure. He was kept there for ten days, till the withdrawals stopped. No one ever mentioned Alcoholics Anonymous or drug and alcohol rehabilitation. I called crisis lines, but was always told there was nothing I could do to intervene because we weren’t married or related.

I tried to control the situation. I did a lot of yelling. I poured out a lot of bottles. I left a lot of notes asking him not to buy a bottle that day. I didn’t get very far. The final spiral was pretty rapid. Within a few months he was seriously ill. His doctor referred him to rehab.

He disappeared into that rehab center; I didn’t hear anything from him for three days. We didn’t know about information release forms. Because I wasn’t legally connected to him, they wouldn’t even acknowledge he was there.

When he was able to call me, he asked me to come to the family program offered by the treatment center and told me about Al-Anon, which I recognized it as a place where I could get help.

I was cautious about revealing my gender preference. I was very careful in my use of pronouns. It wasn’t too difficult at the beginning because I really didn’t talk that much. But I listened. And I started making friends. I started coming out to people on an individual basis; few of them were ever surprised.

Finally I came out to my home group. They just smiled and hugged me. I went into service and worked my way to Area-level positions.

My gender preference has never been an obstacle. I became an Alateen Sponsor and I am now the Alateen Process Person for my Area, responsible for certifying Alateen Sponsors and overseeing the Alateen Safety Guidelines.

Many Alateens in the group I sponsor have found Alateen a safe place to come out. I could help by sharing my own experience, strength, and hope.

Al-Anon truly is a place for everyone. The love and support I’ve received from this program has carried me through many difficult times. In Al-Anon I can be myself.

By Anonymous, Washington
The Forum, August 2009

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