Grateful to the alcoholic—
because Al-Anon gave the gift of self-discovery

My life is not always serene and content. Some days the old behaviors take over, but thanks to the principles of Al-Anon, those old attitudes don’t get to stay around for long.

I don’t know where I would be if I hadn’t had the good fortune of having active alcoholism in my home. Years ago when I first started attending meetings, I would get annoyed when some longtimer said, “I’m so grateful for the alcoholic in my life.” I thought the person saying that must be nuts.

To make matters worse, many of the other people in the room would be nodding and smiling in agreement. How could anyone ever be grateful to have an alcoholic wrecking their life? It took a few—make that many—meetings for me to understand what was meant by that crazy comment.

First of all, the alcoholic’s drinking didn’t wreck my life. I was on the path to doing a good job of that by myself.

I thought I had it all together but I was depressed, controlling, and manipulative. The alcoholic’s drinking only served as the vehicle that brought me through the doors of Al-Anon and showed me that I was the one responsible for my unhappiness. I had the power to change me—no one else—just me.

Second, Al-Anon showed me that I could be kind, thoughtful, and caring, not just to others, but to myself. I started to like me—and because I did, I liked my life.

After many years of living with active drinking, the alcoholic and I parted ways. We are still in touch and we each have our own program. He still struggles but so do I.

The difference in my struggle is I know where the answer lies. I have the tools, support, and love in the rooms of Al-Anon to get me through the rough patches and onto the smooth stretches. I only have to reach out. Sometimes it’s only a thought voiced by someone in a meeting that puts me back on track. It doesn’t matter if the words come from a longtimer or a newcomer. For me, they are invaluable.

So, you see, I am grateful for the alcoholic, because without him, I wouldn’t have Al-Anon and I wouldn’t have the “me” I have come to love.

By Cheryl W., Alberta
The Forum, August 2007

© Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc. 2007. All Rights Reserved.