As I waited for the police to come, I knew that I had hit bottom. I knew that my son was “out there” somewhere, attempting suicide, and I could not find him. The police said they would keep an eye out for him. At that moment, I fell to my knees and felt the full force of Step One in my life. I had no control over this situation.
I was immediately thankful that I had been attending Al‑Anon for a few years and had accumulated the necessary tools I needed to face this crisis. This was my Higher Power preparing me for the journey ahead. Step Three reminded me that I needed to turn my will and my life over to the care of my Higher Power—immediately. I could do nothing to fix this situation.
As my precious son sank deeper into depression, he had to withdraw from college. He stayed in his bedroom every day with the door closed. By two o’clock in the afternoon, as I would pass by his closed door, the fear would begin to creep into my mind, “Is he dead in there?” I was afraid to open the door.
Just about that time, a new copy of The Forum came to my mailbox. One of the articles gave me just what I needed at that moment. I read:
I am powerless over whether or not he is aware of his Higher Power.
I am powerless over whether or not he has a program.
I am powerless over the degree to which he feels joy.
I am powerless to raise him out of the depths of despair.
I am powerless over whether he lives or dies.
With those words, I found my path back to peace and serenity. I let go of my fear. I let go of my anxiety. I knew that whatever happened, my Higher Power was in control and that I could be restored to sanity. I was ready—ready to let go and place my son in the powerful, capable, loving hands of his Higher Power.
By Amy T., Florida
The Forum, January 2015