Feeding a mother’s hungry heart

I came to Al-Anon starving and humbly begging. I was starving emotionally and begging for “food.” I found food in the program—nourishment for my starving soul. I kept coming back and working the program, because I gained emotional nourishment.

What is more humbling than begging for food? Seeing my child starving and begging for food. Seeing my child suffer and not being able to feed his starving heart brought me to my knees.

I nursed my son for the first six months of his life. I was his Higher Power—emotionally, physically, and mentally. He was a happy and healthy infant. His world was a wonderful place and the experience was rewarding for me.

Now I see the same son, age 35, starving for nourishment of his heart and his soul. I feel my humility, and seemingly my powerlessness. I say the Serenity Prayer over and over to myself. It gives me some comfort– sometimes only a crumb– but when I’m starving, a crumb is good.

I am one beggar telling another beggar where he found food. I give my son a crumb of my bread crust. He likes the taste and it makes him feel temporarily better, but that’s all I can give him. I can tell him, however, where I found the food. It is his decision whether to seek it or not. I pray for my starving child.

By Pamela K., Pennsylvania
The Forum, February 2013