Boy, has AL Anon helped me!! First, I CAN ask for help and I do so. First I ask my Higher Power for help and then I ask A Anon people. Second, Al Anon service has taught me to carry out a delegated task and not dominate a whole project. I discover creativity and different perspectives that I had never thought of, when multiple members join to plan an anniversary celebration, a speaker marathon, or a workshop. Once I delegate a task, I do not micromanage it, nor do I feel compelled to micromanage it. What a wonderful gift!

In my life I have been the vicitim of opportunity so many times that I have a kind of love-hate relationship with responsibility. When an alcoholic would steal from me I would assume responsiblity because I didn’t put my checkbook in a safer hiding place. When my doctor challenged me to try Al-Anon I didn’t want any responsiblity for my own recovery. In many cases I can see where I ignored the chaos around me so I didn’t have to even think about my part in it or what I was truly responsible for.

So now when I use this concept I think about Step and Tradition one and put them into action. I am not responsible for the blizzard outside, but I am responsible for leaving 20 minutes early for work so I can take my time and make sure I drive safely. I am not responsible for the chaos around me, but I am responsible for my words and actions. It’s making more sense to me now that I can see how people are using it.

Also shared with me that was really helpful is that I often blame the alcoholic in my life for not being a better parent, better spouse, etc. It didn’t occur to me until we studied this concept that I had expected an alcoholic to do something they just aren’t capable of doing. They wanted and intended to be a good parent and spouse, but the disease wouldn’t let them. It wasn’t fair for me to expect those needs to be met and I’m responsible for accepting the answer “no you can’t have that” or finding another way to get my needs met.

This sharing sounds a bit jumbled and intellectualized but the more I think and learn, the more this Concept and the priciple of healthy responsiblity is absorbing. My life is truly better because of the Concepts. I really needed to find a way to be part of the solutions and not “fix” others.

Walking my dogs as the first glimpses of sunlight peered over the horizon; the neighbor’s dog broke the silence of the predawn morning with loud barking. Clearly, the dog was barking at me and my dogs yet the neighbor stood by and did nothing. My initial response was not about responsibility or accountability. I was indignant and critical of the neighbor for allowing the dog to bark, with no concern for those still asleep. Applying Concept Seven I recognized that while the neighbor’s responsibility to control their dog was a legal issue; my role was of a traditional nature. It just didn’t feel right to linger, passively participating in the disruption. I quickly led my dogs past the house.

Defining, respecting and adhering to boundaries is not a familiar, intuitive practice for many who have been effected by alcoholism. Weaving Step Seven, Tradition Seven and Concept Seven together, I gain the strength to explore new techniques. Step Seven encourages me to ask my Higher Power to remove my shortcomings, which could include tendencies to disregard the boundaries set by another person. Tradition Seven speaks to the benefits of being self-supporting, which reminds me not to blur the definitive line between what is mine and what is yours. Concept Seven reinforces the need for and value of defined boundaries. The word “boundaries” no longer has negative connotations and I see the beneficial link between boundaries, dignity, trust and harmony.

“Being of service” was not an idea I was familiar with before joining Al-Anon. Over time, from meetings and our literature and my sponsor, I began to understand what ‘personal leadership’ and ‘service levels’ meant.

I saw people in Al-Anon who carried a message through their behavior. They were, to me, leaders, because they exemplified the principles of the program. Some of these people got involved in Al-Anon service and some did not.

Good personal leadership is based on spiritual principles and is something that I can practice everyday, whether or not I am involved in an official leadership role. By practicing the Steps, I am more able to demonstrate the qualities of good leadership: responsibility, stability, tolerance, flexibility, judgment, and vision. My relationships are stronger and my self-acceptance is better.

When I was new in Al-Anon, I found it hard to understand our service structure. I became a Group Representative – a confused one. By participating and studying the Service Manual I learned what it means in Concept Nine by “service levels.”

Being involved in Area Service changed my understanding of leadership; I began to experience unity rather than separation. Before this, I saw the leaders as people who were somehow better than the rest of us, who were Al-Anon experts. This attitude kept me from feeling ‘part of’ and it reflected my personal problems with self-acceptance and security.

When I became one of the people with an official service position, and I was at the podium in the front of the room, I could see how the qualities of leadership were needed by everyone in the room. The Area Assembly had delegated certain jobs to me; they had faith that I was the right person to do those jobs. I did well at my tasks when the members of the assembly also demonstrated leadership qualities and when we experienced unity. When myself or others were less responsible, less stable, less tolerant, etc., we struggled more to accomplish goals.

As a new area trusted servant, I was advised by experienced members to study the chapter on Concept Nine in the Service Manual. I am so grateful for their guidance. This chapter explained how to deal with criticism and how to go about making decisions – both things I had difficulty doing in my life. Plus, being one of the people at the podium, I received a great deal of criticism; because of studying Concept Nine I was able to deal with it without becoming disheartened (as I would have before being in Al-Anon.)

Through service I met some of our Trustees. At first I felt separate from them and put them on pedestals. When I do this I weaken their leadership; I isolate them. I can do my part to demonstrate good personal leadership by supporting the Trustees, remembering they are regular members of our fellowship, by communicating my ideas and concerns, and especially by letting them know how grateful I am for their commitment to making sure Al-Anon is safe and healthy.

In thinking about how I can apply this concept to my marriage and my home, I couldn’t help but think of a two-headed person. My husband, with his head and mine attached. It was pretty ugly. This visual helped me to very clearly see how frustrating it must be for him when I try to manage and control what is obviously not mine to do so. He is solely responsible for himself – his own feelings, actions and behavior. If I try to stay out of his head, and his business, I will be better able to manage my hown.